How should I handle finances with a partner without putting myself in danger?
It’s going to sound cliched, but the best way to handle finances with a partner is to communicate and make sure everyone is on board with what’s been agreed on and understands how the financial commitments you’re making (such as joint mortgages or accounts) work.
We’ve shared our views before about combining finances with a partner/s and made no secret about the fact we think the more separate you can keep your finances, the better. For example, there’s no real financial benefits (in the sense of credit or tax breaks) to having a joint account but there may be drawbacks, such as the potential for one partner to rack up debt in another’s name, withhold access to joint finances or have sole control over financial decisions.
But joint accounts don’t create abusers. You may have entirely separate finances but one partner expects financial commitments from the other in a way that is coercive, or vice versa. For example, one partner may pay rent in full, but then hold the threat of homelessness over the other.
On the other hand, there actually can be financial benefits to combining money, such as if you decide to jointly pay for things based on earnings (for example, the higher earner pays 60% and the lower earner 40%). We still reckon it’s best to avoid joint accounts for this though because the money in them can be legally accessed by both partners, whereas there are alternative ways we discuss in the newsletter linked above that can help you split joint payments (like bills) while keeping your accounts separate.
So whatever you decide should ideally be a mutual, open and honest decision.
If you decide to take out some products jointly, there’s a few things worth knowing that can help keep you safe.
Banks and mortgage providers in the UK can sign up to a voluntary code of conduct for supporting survivors of financial abuse, so if you’re opening a joint account or taking out a joint mortgage, check if it’s with a provider that is signed up. Some will have a financial abuse policy (and ideally a trained team) so that you’re able to access your money safely if needs be, or even prevent a partner from tracking you via your payments or forwarding address.
If you receive joint universal credit payments you can request that they are split and sent to separate accounts. Again, many Jobcentres now have finance abuse training and can be consulted about alternative payment arrangements.
It can also be worth checking your free credit report online to see if any loans, overdrafts or credit cards have been taken out in your name. Credit cards can’t be held jointly, so you can remove a partner from the card without them having to sign anything or be alerted to it if the card is in your name.
Not so much an action of the week this time, but we wanted to tackle this question now because it’s just two days until the UK government tests its emergency alert. Although not directly related, it has potentially dangerous consequences for domestic abuse survivors wanting to keep mobile devices hidden. It also highlights the other financially-related ways in which abusers seek to control partners through technology such as location tracking through online banking payments or linked accounts such as Uber or food delivery services. Refuge has a great ‘digital breakup’ tool, which you can check out here as well as finding information about how to turn off Sunday’s alerts.